Emily's Mothers Story By Sheila Smith-Ramirez-July 2011

Sheila's Story Of Her Life Since Emily's Murder
I've tried to think about where I would start with this update on Emily's story, and I have decided to start with the same question that I have always had, " Why?" What could my daughter possibly have done to deserve what they did to her? It's a question that haunts me! Not even "Who?" , but "Why?".
During the past years I have had to go to many places that a parent should never have to go in search of answers to the many many questions that I have. I have decided to share this with you in the hope that hearing my story will give strength and courage to anyone out there going through a similar situation.
A parent thinks that their children are special, smarter, cuter, faster, because they are your children and you love them. Yes, they have faults, but to you they are special. One of the first things I had to deal with was that to the police, My Child was just another number, another case, just another poor Mexican girl who they thought no one cared about and was out on the street and "Got what she deserved". The amount of disrespect is crippling to a parent.
Dealing with authority figures is one of the hardest things I've had to do since Emily went missing. The missing person's report was not received well by San Antonio. I made the report to an officer and then I asked what he would do next. He said to me, "Look, lady, what do you want me to do? I've got over 200 cases on my desk alone!" Then the man hung up on me. I began searching in parts of the northside that I would never have gone into, at all hours of the day and night hoping to see her somewhere, and be able to take her home. As the days passed and I got sick and exhasted, I had no idea what else to do. And she didn't come home.
The law enforcement body are some of the first to come in contact with your loved one and can be helpful in transitioning you through the different stages of grief and adjustment when the unthinkable happens. Unless you have a case like my daughter's, then they can become almost worse to you than the one (s)who took them from you. This has been an ever ending battle for me personally and for my family. Not only has my daughter been disrespected, but it sometimes feels as they go out of their way to make my life a hell worse than it already is.One detective working Emily's case even told me that,"Only he and the person who did it know who he is".
When Theresa(my sister) and I started working on Emily's case in 2003, we could not find one single document with Emily's name on it except the birth certificate, SSecurity card and other papers that I had that were Emily's. I didn't even have a death certificate.
I had never heard the term"absence of presence" until Theresa and I began to search for traces of Emily. We had only an N/A death certificate that could have belonged to any white female of small stature. Not even Jane Doe. It was mailed to us along with one of the few articles that we have ever been able to find on Emly's murder. A woman sent it to us and we are very thankful for her compassion. The next item that we received was the N/A autopsy including a picture of Emily in death. This is when I began to go through denial. The picture did not look anything like my vibrant sassy daughter and I refused to see that it had any resemblance to her in life or death. Your mind can't wrap itself around something that horrible. I didn't automatically go into taking note of the things that the autopsy said were done to her, which was probably just as well at the time.
Emily had been buried. Then after months of waiting for paperwork, her body was exhumed and reburied in the family plot in Somerset, Texas. When we tried to find a copy of the permit to exhume, and a death certificate with her name on it to allow for reburial, we found none. I put in paperwork to get an amended death certificate. And waited. We kept searching for Any piece of paper with Emily's name on it, no matter how insignificant, just to prove that she did exist. She did have a presence, and it was important to us, if to no one else.
There's no need to tell anyone how stressful it is to deal with beauracracy and all the hoops you have to go through in order to get the paperwork that is required for a person who has been killed. When the case is still an active case it is extremely difficult to get any information, and equally difficult to get anything done.
While Theresa was working to get word about Emily on the Internet, I tried to get the paperwork that I couldn't find, and that we didn't have. I also started going to groups that support the families of murder victims. The idea of group support is wonderful, but when anyone asked which was my child and what happened, it was like a fire alarm went off, and everyone had somewhere they had to be all of a sudden. They wouldn't look me in the eye, and I could tell they knew exactly who Emily was as soon as I mentioned Canyon Lake,TX. I quit going.
In order to keep busy and not lose my mind, I began to do what the profilers in the FBI do, Study serial killers. The things that I came across and looked at are so brutal that it is hard to imagine human beings treating one another so. During this time I managed to get myself on the FBI watch list through my local library because of the books I was checking out. I had no clue that the government had certain books "Flagged", and that when you checked them out, so were you-flagged. I began to see people in my neighborhood that didn't belong there and they seemed to show up everywhere I went. I moved eight times in 2004! I found out about this, eventually, but you can imagine the fear I went through in the meantime.
There came a time when I began to look at the autopsy. I had read over it, but had not really gotten past the fact that Emily was gone. One day I sat down and really looked at it, and things started to jump from the pages. I was told that Emily was not held. The information in the autopsy did not agree with that. Theresa and I discussed the information and we tried to offer what we saw to law enforcement. Not only did they not want to hear it, and pooh-poohed me, but they eventually refused to see or talk to me.
I had to deal with the officials on Emily's case many times and that seems to be a big factor in getting to the "Point of Desperation" that a lot of parents get to eventually. It would have made me crazy if I had let it. When you get to that point you begin to look for other ways to deal with Death. One of the many ways is to turn to Psychics, and that was what I eventually did, though I was very skeptical.
I contacted a group here in San Antonio and they agreed to work with me and my daughter, which they did for a while. They begin to say they were scared, were being followed, threatened, etc...Well, join the club! Did you think this was a game? It isn't, and I guarantee those others don't think it's a game either. I eventually was contacted through Theresa by a group that is very well known, but not to me. I agreed to see them and they came to my home about four years ago either on Emily's birthday or the anniversary date of her death. You all know how hard those dates, along with many others, and holidays can have a horrible effect on you, even after many years have passed. I honestly thought they were there to help me, and I convinced myself that the flags weren't red.
I was told that they were going to do a Documentary for their school and I believed them. They were actually doing a TV show for a popular psychic network in California, and I really don't believe they are actually really psychics at all, but actors. As was the P.I. that they supposedly had contact, I suppose.
I'm sure that many of you have seen those episodes where a young girl had contact with Emily. Well, it turned out to be one of the most devious, vile acts of abuse to the family of a victim that I have ever heard of. The would have exploited me, Emily, you, their own mothers or anyone else they had to in order to get shows for their series. I was lucky, and the damage only cost me three weeks of being very ill.
Now, what those people don't realize is what they actually missed. The girl was for real, just as the others were real, those who have called me time and again to complain to me about this "cocky girl" who comes to them in the early hours of the morning, sits on the end of their beds, knocks pictures off walls, and seems to be especially hateful to men. And she usually has one hand cocked on her hip. She likes three A.M. And Don't call her Emmy!
We finally got help from a young mother in New York. She also called me even though she was afraid to. People are always afraid to call. I talked to her for a while, and then I tested her to see if she could be for real. I asked her to give me a small detail that we have not written about in these articles. She turned out to be a very good friend to us. She knows who she is, and we thank her very much.
Even with the bits and pieces that we have gotten from people who have called us, I'm afraid it just wasn't enough to figure out who did this to Emily. Even if it had been, who would have listened, who would have been the one strong enough to go after them, no matter what? Who would have really cared? We have been through a whole lot of people who start out really excited to be working on Emily's case, only to find out that at some point they will be kept from working on it and "warned off". Who? Does it even matter? The fact that it happens is enough.
At this point I would like to tell you the things that will keep you going. It won't be the same things for each person. Having good friends, especially family members, and people to give you moral support is vital. I have been very fortunate to have my sister Theresa working on Emily's case all these years. When she called me back in 2003 and said we should start working on it, I had no idea how far it would take us and the personal sacrifice that it would take. I can't tell you how many hours she must have worked on the computer to publicize Emily's story. She has worked on it to the point of being sick herself and while she was sick. My daughter and I have tried to do some of the other things from here. Of course there are many others along the way who have helped us and/or supported us. Thank you. And thank you to the people on the Net who have supported Theresa and our family while we try to find out "Why"? God bless you all.
Sheila Smith-Ramirez (Emily's mother)